Talaxian Tomatoes Confessional
by paperlessprinter
Summary: Set Right after Basics, Kathryn's personal life spills into the computer. One Shot.


_I'll never look at tomatoes the same way again._

_Ever since we got back I've been distracted with these thoughts. I need to be honest with myself. I was just starting to get used to living on New Earth with Chakotay. I even started to let my guard down._

_At first I didn't really even like that Angry Warrior speech – I didn't believe it was a real ancient legend. But a few days later, I noticed that it was growing on me. Maybe it was just another way of me realizing that we were here for good. After that plasma storm, the reality hit me like tub full of cold water. Seeing all my work, and all my hopes of ever getting off of New Earth, destroyed was a giant punch in the gut. I started thinking, if I had to be stranded here, then at least I was with Chakotay._

_And then, when we heard commander Tuvok's tinny sounding voice on that communicator, it was like getting hit with even colder water that went straight to my heart. I couldn't believe that Voyager was coming back. Neither could Chakotay. Part of me would like have told Tuvok, 'Thanks but no thanks. We're fine here' But I knew that wasn't proper; I was still their Captain._

_Now that I'm back on the ship I can't stop thinking about him or the lost possibilities. I'm really thankful that I can continue our journey back to Earth, but I really need to get these thoughts of New Earth out of my head. I can't talk to anyone onboard so this will have to do._

_Part of me wants to delete this little confessional. But I won't right away. I'll just add another passcode to ensure no one will ever see it._

_Out of sight out-_

The red alert klaxon interrupted Kathryn Janeway's thoughts as Voyager shuddered and vibrated under weapons fire.

"Captain Janeway to the bridge." Tuvok's voice filtered through the comm. She knew, without asking that it was the Kazon back to make more trouble She dashed out of her quarters, the file left open on her terminal.

Several days later

Harry Kim struggled to keep his eyes open. He had volunteered to go through the computer section by. Section, block by block and he told lieutenant Tuvok and Captain Janeway that he would have a report by tomorrow – well later this morning. The Captain had requested a thorough scan after getting Voyager back from the Kazon. Despite their fears, that the Kazon had purposely planted a virus under Seska's bidding, everything seemed to check out so far. Harry was almost done and he found looking at line after line of computer code was hard on his eyes. He closed them tightly and pinched the bridge of his nose. When he opened his eyes, the questionable file was blinking at him. The computer had found one corrupted file for him.

Harry quickly checked the remaining code and found no other corrupted files, which very suspicious. Harry wasn't feeling as tired anymore. It was a little early to call but Harry he needed to let this person know what he found. He just hoped that he would be up.

"Kim to Tuvok."

There was only a brief pause, before he heard Tuvok's voice coming through his communicator. "_Go ahead Ensign."_ He didn't even sound tired like someone just woken up would.

"I'm down in Engineering, finishing up the computer sweep and I only found one corrupted file."

"_Just one?"_

"Yes sir. Should I try opening it? It doesn't look like it came from an outside force. I think it's just a normal corruption."

"_Wait for me before you proceed. I'll be down there shortly."_

"Yes sir. Kim out." Harry isolated the file from the rest of the computer and started to study it. The file name was jumbled, which wasone of the main signs of corruption, but he could still make it out. He thought it looked like *$*alax!an T0ma%0e$.

A few minutes later, Tuvok strode into the nearly empty Engineering. Compared to Harry's scruffy appearance and tired face, he looked immaculate.

Together, they learned the file was not a virus from Seska, or anyone else. In fact, the origins came from within the ship. "I believe, since you already isolated it, that we can risk opening the file," Tuvok said.

_I' ne^er lo-k t0ma/oes the me way a in._The file was pretty corrupted but still readable. When Tuvok saw, _I wa$ _t s t ting to get d to lvng n NeVV aErth w/ C4k0taY_ he knew that this must have been a personal log entry. Harry looked at him. They both knew who wrote it. Tuvok called Chakotay.

"Tuvok to Chakotay"

There wasn't an answer right away. Tuvok had to call again before Chakotay finally answered. "Tuvok, it's two in the morning." He sounded like he had been asleep in bed. Harry was jealous.

"I apologize Sir, but there is a private matter that needs your attention in Engineering."

Harry could hear Chakotay sigh on the other end. "Fine, I'll be down soon." The line cut out. Harry suddenly felt very, very awkward. He didn't want to be there when Chakotay came down. "Sir, if there's anything else…"

Tuvok looked at Harry. "I would appreciate your discretion, Ensign."

"My lips are sealed. May I be dismissed?"

Tuvok nodded and Harry bolted for his quarters.

Shortly after Harry left, Chakotay came down. He was still sleepy looking and wasn't dressed in his uniform. "What was so important that I had to get out bed?" Tuvok simply showed him the file. After reading for only a few seconds, Chakotay asked, "Has anyone else seen this?"

"Only Ensign Kim. He was doing the computer sweep when he found this. We opened it together."

"And?"

"I believe he said, 'My lips are sealed' before leaving for his quarters."

Chakotay nodded. "Thanks for letting me know. I'll take care of it. You're dismissed."

"Aye, sir." Tuvok left Chakotay alone with his file. He didn't want to read it all the way through. Instead, he downloaded it onto a padd and marched of to Kathryn's quarters, trying to keep his face as serene as usual. Inside he was roiling with different emotions, and the biggest one was anger. How could she not tell him about her feelings… If not on Voyager than at least when they were still alone on New Earth. His feelings for her hadn't changed in the few short weeks since they had be back, but he couldn't help but wonder how hard it would be to stand by her side since she was so… complicated.

He hit the door chime. She let him in. He found Kathryn at her desk, still working even though it was late – or early.

"Why couldn't you tell me?" he tried to keep his voice calm.

"What are you talking about, Chakotay?"

"Tuvok showed me something he was concerned about from the computer sweep." Chakotay held up the padd. "It's corrupted but still readable. It mentions New Earth and me several times. So why, Kathryn, did you not tell me?" It was a struggle for him now; he felt his voice beginning to crack.

"I don't know what you are talking about." Kathryn didn't even bother to look up from her work. He couldn't stand it.

"Don't lie to me Kathryn! You know exactly I'm talking about it. The whole ship seems to know you have feelings for me, and I find out from Tuvok because there's a computer file where you profess your love for me!" he almost flung the padd at Kathryn who caught it with surprise. As soon as she saw what file it was her face fell.

"Oh Chakotay, I'm so sorry. No one was ever going to this… I was working on it when the Kazon attacked. The computer must have auto-saved it. I've been busy since we got the ship back. I haven't thought about it at all."

"I don't want to hear your excuses, Kathryn. I want to know what _you're_going to do about it, since I've seen it."

"Who else saw it?"

"Just Harry and Tuvok. Both of them will be discrete. Now answer my question."  
Kathryn got up from her desk. She was still in her uniform. "What do you think I should do?" She was very quiet. Chakotay couldn't help himself from noticing how tiny she looked in the uniform. This was the real Kathryn, he realized. Not the Captain.

"You have to be honest with yourself. And I might be biased here, but I think you should stop denying your feelings. It's not good for you."

"But Starfleet Command-"

"To HELL with Starfleet Command Kathryn! Look around you. Starfleet Command isn't anywhere near us. They're seventy years away. For once, make a choice that is just for you… just Kathryn. Not the Captain, not Voyager, not Starfleet or the Federation. Just Kathryn."

They both stood there, Kathryn was close to her desk. Chakotay saw her grab hold to it for support. Neither spoke for a long time. He thought it was a good sign that she hadn't thrown him out of her quarters yet.

"But… But….I-"

Chakotay closed the distance between them and took both her hands. "No buts, no thoughts, just actions." And then he kissed her. It was not a peck on the cheek, or a long deep kiss on the lips but somewhere in between. When he let her go, he studied her face. Kathryn still looked conflicted, but he could also see the desire in there as well. There were two sides of her, fighting for dominance. He knew he was acting a little rash, to say the least, but he kissed her again. Longer this time. Kathryn never resisted him, and even started leaning into the kiss.

"What about the crew? If Harry knows, then Tom will know by lunch."

"There's no way Tuvok would tell anyone about what he saw of the file. I'll tell both Harry and Tom at the same time that if they ever breathe a word of this to anyone, we'll bust both of them down to crewman and have them degauss the transporter pads with a micro resonator."

A smile crept onto Kathryn's face and she shared one more quick kiss with him. She felt as light as she did on New Earth, before Tuvok called. With Chakotay by her side, in more ways than one, she felt like the task of leading Voyager home wasn't as daunting.


End file.
